Herald and Journal
Herald & Journal, August 3, 1998

Political party differences part II

By MYRON HEUER

Last week, this column featured a list of ways to tell if you're a Democrat or Republican. I have run across more help in determining if you are Democrat or Republican.

Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere. Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group.

Republicans employ exterminators. Democrats step on the bugs.

Democrats give their old clothes to those less fortunate. The Republicans wear theirs.

Republicans tend to keep their shades drawn, although there is seldom any reason why they should. Democrats ought to, but don't.

Democrats name their children after popular sports figures, politicians and entertainers. Republicans name theirs after their parents or grandparents, depending on where the money is.

Republicans study the financial pages in the newspaper. Democrats put them in the bottom of the bird cage.

Democrats eat the fish they catch. Republicans hang theirs on the wall.

Republicans raise dahlias, dalmations and their eyebrows. Democrats raise Airedales, kids and hell.

Democrats watch crime and western shows on television. Republicans also watch crime and western shows on television, but tell everybody they watch the news and PBS.

Republican boys date Democrat girls. They plan to marry Republican girls, but they feel they are entitled to a little fun first.

Republicans sleep in twin beds and sometimes separate rooms. Democrats sleep in double beds. This is the main reason why there are more Democrats.

Which are you? Democrat or Republican?

 

Daffynition ­ Adult: a person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.


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