By MYRON HEUER
I suppose a lot of people will receive a computer for Christmas. There's a rumor that Santa will leave one for my grandsons. If this is true, I'd like to help new owners of this magic machine with an easy way of understanding computer talk.
The following list is a redneck version of the meaning of computer language:
Backup What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods.
Bar code Them's fightin' rules down at the local tavern.
Bug The reason you give when calling in sick.
Byte What your pit bull done to your mailman.
Chip Pasture muffins you try not to step in.
Diskette Female disco dancer.
Fax What you lie about to the IRS.
Hard copy Picture looked at while selecting a tattoo.
Internet Where cafe worker puts her hair.
Mac Big Bubba's favorite fast food.
Megahertz How your head feels after 17 beers.
Modem What you do when the grass gets too high.
Mouse pad Where Mickey and MInnie live.
Online Where you stay when taking a sobriety test.
Super conductor Amtrak's employee of the year.
Well, I doubt if this will help much. It's just another way of looking at the world of computers the redneck way.
I wonder if my grandsons will let me play with their computer
when I mean if Santa leaves one for them.