Howard Lake-Waverly Herald, Oct. 8, 2001

Some anniversary gift ideas: guns . . . ?


For three weeks, I've been trying to think of a good anniversary gift for my husband because our anniversary was Tuesday.

My husband, Brian, is impossible to buy stuff for. Worse yet, he's successfully guessed almost every single gift I've ever given him.

I'm gullible, so he will question me about this or that and usually guess what it is.

He knows I've got loose lips, and he plays me like a song. It's maddening.

So, I've been thinking about what to give.

The day before our anniversary, we went to a Lions meeting together in Cokato, and I sat next to one of his friends, Paul.

"Paul, what should I get Brian for our anniversary?" I said.

"What does he like to do?" he said.

"Shoot guns." I said.

"Hmmm. Well you could get him a . . ."

"He's not getting another gun," I cut him off. "I don't care if he is a cop. We don't need another gun."

My husband even bought ME a 20-gauge shotgun. I don't know where it is or how to shoot it. But it's mine.

Incidentally, I'm not crazy about shooting things, and I can't stand the National Rifle Association. I will probably never shoot that gun.

Sometimes, when the bunny rabbits chew up expensive bulbs in my garden, I ask him to shoot 'em. He doesn't, mainly because the bunnies don't appear unless you sit outside quietly at 6 a.m.

The bunnies at our place are well fed and have no fear at all. We used to have a dog that would go after them, but we gave the dog away a few years ago.

Well, anyway. What to give?

We kind of have a history of giving each other ridiculous gifts. Last year, he gave me three boxes of decorative bar soap for Christmas.

I opened each box, and then after the third box, I said "Are you trying to tell me something?"

I am very sure that what happened is that he saw this cool display and - like a guy - thought I'd love the fancy boxes of scented stuff. They were wrapped up very nicely.

Once, I used the proceeds from a garage sale to give him a gas grill for Father's Day. That was a good gift. Last year, I gave him a metal detector for Christmas, which he hasn't used very much.

For our anniversary, I drove around Hutch by myself for more than an hour, looking for inspiration. Flowers? No. He says "They're just going to die anyway."

Food? Double no. He'll hate me if I mess up his diet.

I finally settled on a Dave Matthews Band compact disc. He liked it.

Now, his birthday is Oct. 17. What should I give him . . . ?

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