Herald-Journal
Howard Lake-Waverly Herald, Nov. 5, 2001

John Wayne Jr., is over at our place, pilgrim

By LYNDA JENSEN

Nothing exciting is going on at our place, except my husband has been renting some old wild west John Wayne movies.

I gave little thought to the impact until our son took his stick horse, and started riding barrels around the back yard, rodeo style.

Bryce hasn't been swaggering yet, but that will probably come in time.

I think there's about 50 John Wayne movies, and we only rented three so far.

How to make beef taste like venison

Just in case the hunters have bad luck with deer this season, I found this old joke in my file cabinet at home, and thought they would enjoy it (no author was identified) :

Recipe on how to make beef taste like venison:

1. Start one year before cutting date.

2. Feed the steer only wild berries, slough grass, weeds, sage and tree bark.

3. About two hours before you are ready to butcher, have a friend chase the beef around to get the blood and adrenaline into the meat.

4. Shoot the beef immediately after it has been chased (make sure it's a gut shot, and to do this via a hind quarter). A good shot will tenderize the meat and get as much hair as possible into the impart area.

5. Drag the beef to a slough and field dress in in the slough. Make sure to get as much grass, weeds, cattails, and debris in as possible.

6. Drag the beef at least one half mile across a summer fallow field to get plenty of dirt mixed into the wound and the carcass interior.

7. Load the beef on a car/truck and drive down first a gravel road at least five miles, then down a highway. This will get as much highway grit, bugs and rocks imbedded in the meat as possible (for extra flavor, do this in the rain.)

8. Hang the beef in the garage (make sure it is low enough so that the dog can chew on the hind quarter).

9. At least once a day have your wife idle a vehicle for five minutes in the garage. Carbon monoxide adds greatly to the flavor.

10. When the carcass smells so bad you can hardly stand being in the garage, the beef is ready to butcher.

Properly followed, the above steps will ensure that your beef is mistaken for venison by even the most avid sportsman. Everyone will marvel at how much venison you have and how good it tastes . . and you won't have to put on that crazy outfit and walk for 300 miles.

Tolerance & Co.

I saw a news report on CNN about how people were making fun of poor Osama Bin Laden. They were producing items such as t-shirts that read "Osama - Your Momma."

The CNN reporter who covered the story looked like he laughed once, when he was a kid; although I'm sure he doesn't remember it very well. I think the CNN big cheeses pulled him from the finance section, where he enjoyed writing stories about the stock market and end-of-the year financial reports.

His theme? These people were INTOLERANT.

I'm getting tired of all of this "tolerance at all costs" theme that is being force-fed to the public. We are even expected to give up our Christian beliefs and all that we hold dear, in order to be tolerant enough for everyone.

There's a difference between staying true to your beliefs and being tolerant.

In fact, I would venture to argue that those who are "tolerant" in the purest sense of the word are wussies because they are not willing to commit to anything or make a moral decision without offending someone.

If I moved to, or visited, France and expected them to remove symbols of their national pride, change their language, or alter their religion to accommodate mine, they would think I'm crazy - and then kick me out. And rightly so.

Not Americans. It seems we can't be tolerant enough of everybody and everything.

If Satan himself visited the US, the politically correct people would rush to make sure his rights aren't trampled on and that we tolerate him.

I remember once that a priest who said a prayer before a meal at a White House gathering, and was criticized for his prayer - because it wasn't respectful of other religions!

Who are these fruit cakes that think of these things? Am I wrong, or does a priest - and Christians in general - only worship our God? Are we responsible for every other religion and cult in this universe?

Before I get carried away, I want to emphasize that I really am a tolerant person. I detest violence, or any kind of persecution or act that is done against others because of their different looks, beliefs, or religion; especially those people who are in a position of weakness.

The acts against Americans with Arabian descent made me sick.

But is it right for us to be expected to water down our Christian religion to the point of lunacy (something we would NEVER to do any other religion, because - you guessed it, it may offend them) . . . to give away every moral judgement for the same reason? Aren't we losing sight of what is important?

Let's be careful not to run away from our Christian roots so fast. We may find ourselves somewhere that we don't want to be - a place with no right or wrong, nor morality, but only gray area.

 

On that dark and dire note, I thought I'd end with a funny thing that Denise Rosenau gave me:

We've been notified by Building Security that there have been four suspected terrorists working at our office. Three of the four have been apprehended. Bin Sleepin, Bin Loafin, and Bin Drinkin have been taken into custody. Security advised us that they could find no one fitting the description of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, in the office. Police are confident that anyone who looks like he's Bin Workin will be very easy to spot.


Back to Lynda Jensen Menu | Back to Columns Menu

Howard Lake-Waverly Herald & Winsted-Lester Prairie Journal
Stories | Columns | Obituaries
Community Guides | Special Topics | Cool Stuff | Search | Home Page