Herald Journal Columns
Dec. 2, 2002 Herald
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Winter will knock us on our cans


True Minnesotans aren't fooled one bit by the goofy fall weather, and now this funny lull in winter weather.

I was surprised and dissapointed when the fall leaves didn't give a nice show this year . . . instead, they shriveled and fell almost overnight.

Are we fooled? No way. We know that the Minnesota winter will wait until green horns get nice and cosy, then kick our cans when we least suspect it.

Trust me, we'll get socked by a big storm, and it will be unpleasant.

Notice I haven't said "SN-W" word (rhymes with "mow") because I didn't want to be accused of causing it to happen (I mean really happen, not this little beaner stuff we've had).

No more Whoppers

Well, the day I knew would come is here (atlhough I thought it would be when I was 40, not 34).

I was diagnosed with high cholesterol, defying the stereotype of this malady since I am tall and skinny. It's genetic for me (and also I have very high metabolism).

I enjoy Whoppers, ice cream, Mountain Dew (which I'll keep), and many other delicious things.

Didn't burn the bird 2

Last year, I happily reported that I did NOT burn the Thanksgiving bird ­ and I lived to tell the tale and repeat my previous success.

OK, I cheated with a pre-packaged chicken (again) complete with a little pop-up timer on the chicken. That's my kind of cooking!

Once again, I slapped a meal together in an hour, using quick and easy items, although I went easy on the microwave stuff because of my cholesterol.

It was nice and relaxing. Everyone helped clear the table and wash the dishes. The meal ended with an afternoon siesta.

Attitude, baby

This story was sent to me e-mail by a friend:

The 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud lady, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with her hair fashionably coifed and makeup perfectly applied, even though she is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today.

Her husband recently passed away, making the move necessary.

After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, she smiled sweetly when told her room was ready.

As she maneuvered her walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of her tiny room,including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on her window.

"I love it," she stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-oldhaving just been presented with a new puppy.

"Mrs. Jones, you haven't been inside the room, yet . . . just wait," I said.

"That doesn't have anything to do with it," she replied. "Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time."

"Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged," she continued. "It's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed, recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.

Each day is a gift,

and as long as my eyes open

I'll focus on the new day and

all the happy memories

I've stored away

just for this time in my life.

Old age is like a bank account

you withdraw what you put in.

So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories.

Thank you for your part in filling my memory bank.

I am still depositing."

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred.

2. Free your mind from worries.

3. Live simply.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less.

FAMILYAre you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days.

But the family we left behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.

And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than into our own family, an unwise investment indeed, don't you think?

So what is behind the story? Do you know what the word FAMILY means? FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU.

Quotes that are worth repeating

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

-Roseanne Barr (Editor's note: I never was crazy about Roseanne Barr.)

I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.

-Janette Barber

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb . . and I'm also not blonde.

-Dolly Parton

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