Herald Journal Columns
July 28, 2003 Herald Journal
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Consoled with a different appliance on the lawn

By LYNDA JENSEN

Fans of the recently departed columnist Denise Rosenau will be disconcerted to learn that she loves her boring office job.

She left two weeks ago, for those who remember the photo of our parting gift to her . . . mainly an old refrigerator on her front lawn from unofficial and unidentified newspaper people.

I was reminded of this stunt last week when I was telling co-workers of the privy on our curb side, since we were re-doing our bathroom.

Upon learning this, some wise apple asked me if I was going to leave it at Denise's house.

My mouth fell open as I said "Of course not!" with all the dignity I could muster, but my mind was running through the logistics of the thing . . . "Who's got a trailer? . . ."

In the end, I decided that the moment was over and I'd already called Waste Mangement for pickup of the item in question.

Darn . . .

Above all wisdom & all the ways of man ...

Have you ever had a song stuck in your head?

Well, I've been listening to music from "Worship Together - The best in modern worship" available from TimeLife (www.timelife.com) and the whole darn CD is stuck in my mind.

Incidentally, Dennis Entinger and his band at the Howard Lake Christian Church does a fantastic rendition of any song on this CD.

Here are some lyrics of a song called "Above All," sung by Rebecca St. James:

Above all powers, above all kings

Above all nature

and all created things

Above all wisdom

and all the ways of man

You were here before the world began . . .

Crucified

Laid behind a stone

You lived to die

Rejected and alone

Like a rose trampled on the ground

You took the fall

and thought of me,

above all.

(Music and lyrics by Paul Baloche and Lenny LeBlanc.)

Incidentally, Rebecca St. James recently sang at the Sonshine Festival in Willmar.

It's cruel that the melody is left out of the printed page. It doesn't do justice to the song or the intent of worship.

Hold on for Andy Rooney, please . . .

Andy Rooney of 60 Minutes recently gave some tips for handling pesky telemarketers.

Andy Rooney's ideas

(1) Three little words: "Hold on, please . . ."

Saying this, while putting down your phone and walking off (instead of hanging-up immediately) would make each telemarketing call so much more time-consuming that boiler room sales would grind to a halt.

Then when you eventually hear the phone company's "beep-beep-beep" tone, you know it's time to go back and hang up your handset, which has efficiently completed its task. These three little words will help eliminate telephone soliciting.

(2) Do you ever get those annoying phone calls with no one on the other end?

This is a telemarketing technique where a machine makes phone calls and records the time of day when a person answers the phone.

This technique is used to determine the best time of day for a "real" sales person to call back and get someone at home.

What you can do after answering, if you notice there is no one there, is to immediately start hitting your # button on the phone, six or seven times, as quickly as possible.

This confuses the machine that dialed the call and it kicks your number out of its system.

(3) Another good i.dea: When you get "ads" enclosed with your phone or utility bill, return these "ads" with your payment.

Let the sending companies throw their own junk mail away. When you get those "pre-approved" letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to second mortgages and similar type junk, do not throw away the return envelope.

Most of these come with postage-paid return envelopes, right?

Why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in these cool little postage-paid return envelopes.

Send an ad for your local chimney cleaner to American Express.

Send a pizza coupon to Citibank. If you didn't get anything else that day, then just send them their blank application back!

If you want to remain anonymous, just make sure your name isn't on anything you send them.

You can even send the envelope back empty if you want to just to keep them guessing!

Eventually, the banks and credit card companies will begin getting their own junk back in the mail.

Let's let them know what it's like to get lots of junk mail, and best of all they're paying for it. . . . Twice!

Let's help keep our postal service busy since they are saying that e-mail is cutting into their business profits, and that's why they need to increase postage costs again.

You get the idea!

If enough people follow these tips, it will work.


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