HJ-ED-DHJHerald Journal Columns
November 27, 2006

The time of year to give thanks

By Aaron Schultz

With Thanksgiving come and gone, I thought it was the perfect time for me to let everybody know what I am thankful for.

Obviously, the main things are my health, and the health of my family and friends.

But, that would make this a pretty short column if I left it at that, so now I will dive into the sports world.

• First off, I am very thankful that I have a choice whether to watch the University of Minnesota Gopher men’s basketball team or not.

Unfortunately, I chose to watch them host Iowa State, and then, on Thanksgiving day, against some team called Marist.

It is brutal. Now, I don’t claim to be a basketball expert by any means, but does it look like they have an offense?

I mean, when I watch a high school game, I can see them running an offense.

It might not always go as planned at the high school level, but they are trying to run an offensive play that they were taught in practice.

When watching the Gophers it just hurts to watch their offense.

So, again, I am thankful I won’t be spending much time the rest of the season watching Gopher mens’ basketball.

• Next up on the thanks list is the Vikings, and I am thankful that they stink this season.

As Mike Tice would say, alright now, calm down.

I am still a huge Viking fan, but this year’s team is about as exciting to watch as Gopher basketball.

I mean, their offense is brutal, and that is being kind.

By them going in the tank, I don’t have to force myself to watch the entire game.

Hopefully, they stay in the tank, and don’t go on a little winning streak just to finish 8-8, and ruin their draft position.

Either turn it up now and make the playoffs, or just keep on losing and hopefully, get somebody in the draft that will bring some excitement to the offense.

• The Vikings again make my list, but this time in union with the Direct TV NFL football package, which I have.

See, when the Vikings are good, I am forced to watch the entire game, and am unable to flip around the channels to the other games.

Well, with the Vikings stinking it up, I am usually able to turn it off by halftime, and watch an exciting game, which is nice.

• I am very thankful to the Twins’ Justin Morneau, and all of the sports writers who voted for him for MVP.

By winning MVP, over everybody’s all-American, New York Yankee Derek Jeter, Morneau has many in the national media in an uproar.

This makes me smile, a lot. I am no big fan of Jeter, and despise the Yankee empire.

So, seeing all these Yankee backers whining that there is a hatred of the Yankees, and that is why Jeter didn’t win, is awesome.

The fact that the Yankees have all the money in the world, are on national TV every week, and they are now complaining that there is a bias against them is priceless.

• The Gopher football team making a bowl game also makes me thankful.

Despite the lousy coaching of Glen Mason, the boys pulled it together, won the final three games – including one against the hated Iowa Hawkeyes, and got an invite to the Insight Bowl in Tempe, Ariz.

By making a bowl, I get another Gopher football game to watch and complain about Mason, as well as another shot at getting one of those great T-shirts the students are selling.

If you haven’t heard, the students have been sporting Fire Mason T-shirts, and I absolutely have to have one.

• Lastly, I am very thankful that the Detroit Pistons have been stinking it up.

By stinking, I really hope that they fire head coach Flip Saunders, which would open up the door for him to come back and take over the University of Minnesota.

Just think of it. How cool would it be to have Flip take over for Monson?

Now that would get me excited for Gopher mens’ basketball again.