HJ-ED-DHJHerald Journal Columns
December 18, 2006

How about just one more bowl game

By Matt Kane

It’s that time of the year again in Division I college football. No more polls and no more conference schedules. Just bowls.

Enough bowls to make a Tupperware Party jealous.

In all, 64 teams will play in one of 32 bowl games, starting tomorrow when TCU meets Northern Illinois in the San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl in San Diego.

The number of bowl games has grown by four since last season.

Of course, a fifth BCS game was added to determine the national champion. Also joining the party this year are the Papajohns.com Bowl (South Florida vs. East Carolina, Dec. 23), the New Mexico Bowl (New Mexico vs. San Jose State, Dec. 23) and the International Bowl (Cincinnati vs. Western Michigan, Jan. 6).

Just how international can the International Bowl be when the two schools are 302 miles apart?

Thirty-two football games is a lot to watch in three weeks. But, still, I would like to propose a few more bowl games, using the teams who were left off the guest list.

The two teams I would most like to invite are Florida International and Duke.

But these teams are terrible, right? That’s exactly right. And that’s why I chose them to play in the Toilet Bowl.

The Toilet Bowl is designated each year for the two worst teams in college football.
According to the SportsLine 119, those teams are Florida International, ranked 119th, and Duke, ranked 118th.

And just like I had hoped, both teams are defeated, each losing all 12 games on their schedule.

The Blue Devils are used to being at the top of the polls in college basketball, but not in football. The Dukies’ bid for a Toilet Bowl berth was almost spoiled by crosstown rival North Carolina in the final game of the season. The Blue Devils had to hold on to lose 44-45.

The clear loser (by Toilet Bowl standards, that means winner) was Florida International, which climbed to the bottom of the poll while playing the 116th-ranked schedule in football.

The Golden Panthers tried to get off the goose egg the first two weeks of the season.

They lost to Middle Tennessee 7-6 Aug. 31, and 21-20 Sept. 9 to South Florida.

Let’s not forget the fight, literally, Florida International put up against South Florida neighbor Miami when the two teams met Oct. 13 at the Orange Bowl.

The on-field brawl between the Golden Panthers and Hurricanes accounted for 31 suspensions.

The Golden Panthers would be without one important personnel member if it plays in the Toilet Bowl — a head coach.

Former Miami Dolphins quarterback Don Strock was the head coach until he resigned his position shortly after the brawl with Miami.

I propose this game be played immediately before the BCS Championship game between Florida and Ohio State.

The Toilet Bowl features the two worst teams, meaning it might actually be an interesting game.

We will have to work out a date, and a sponsor.

There is always 2000 Flushes or Toiletwarehouse.com. But I think I would prefer to have Ty-D Bol as the sponsor.

The Tidy Bowl Toilet Bowl. The name flushes cleanly from the mouth.

How cool would it be to have the Ty-D Bol Man cruising around Shea Stadium in his little boat.

After all, Shea Stadium sits on the north end of Flushing Meadows Park.

Just think, if the game stinks, at least the bathrooms won’t.

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