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Moms have strong stomachs

May 19, 2008

by Jen Bakken

For Mother’s Day, I was lucky enough to have dinner with my mom, sister, sister-in-law, and two grandmothers.

We went to Sunni’s Grille in Howard Lake and enjoyed a delicious meal. Of course, with six women at one table, there was a lot of talking and laughing going on.

Before we knew it, we were having conversations which I’m pretty sure only mothers could have.

Initially we began talking about our children with comments such as, “Kids are so hard on your house – you can’t keep anything nice.”

What followed was, “Yeah well, I have boogers all over my couch, thanks to the kids.” And, “I swear my kids eat their boogers.”

This wasn’t a big surprise because I’m guessing most mothers have a booger or nose picking story, but our discussion quickly went from boogers to chin hair with, “You have something hanging from your chin, I thought it was a long hair but it’s just cheese.”

After recovering from the embarrassment of five other women staring and laughing at her chin, this mother shot back by saying, “Speaking of hair, I guess I can thank you women for the genes that gave me chin hair.”

Laughing as if chin hair just came with the territory and was no big deal, another mother revealed, “Well, once someone came to my door and after they left, I realized I had started growing a beard on my chin.”

If you are with my family, the topic of chin hair and beards can be closely followed by the topic of protruding nose hairs, and one of us admitted, “I even got grandpa’s nose hairs.”

A mom is always there to give assistance, and right away advice was offered, “Your grandpa had a nice clipper for his nose hairs; it worked well, you should get one.”

Next, we began talking about the yummy topic of food, which somehow evolved into a lively discussion about liver, the movie Poltergeist, and eventually headcheese.

“I ate Ramen noodles yesterday. How do they make them in that weird square like that?” one asked.

Although the table of women contemplated this question, no answer was given.

“I don’t know, but my daughter loves Ramen, sometimes it’s all she will eat.”

Now, this is the part of our dinner conversation where I must have missed something. Maybe I was in deep thought about Ramen noodles when someone asked, “Where do you even buy liver?”

Luckily, I was able to answer the seemingly random question, and instructed them to look for those little tubs at the grocery store.

Once the different ways of purchasing of liver was revealed, the next natural topic was of ways to make a meal out of this liver.

“I roll it in flour and fry it, but I hate touching it,” one mother said. “One time my son asked if it was alive and thought it was crawling across the counter.”

For a few of us this brought back memories of a movie from the 1980s, as that’s what happened in the movie “Poltergeist.”

But for other mothers with no recollection of this film the conversation went right back to liver.

“Liver is gross, its all blood,” one said.

Here is where this Mother’s Day dinner truly became too much for me. If you don’t have a strong mommy stomach – stop reading now! A senior member of our group smiled and stated, “I love liver, and blood sausage. Oh, and headcheese is good, too.”

To my dismay, we were then treated with far too much information about blood sausage and head cheese.

I admit this caused me to cover my mouth, and I couldn’t stop from showing my complete revulsion, “Gross, blood sausage and head- cheese? That’s disgusting! We just ate. I’m going to throw up!”

Trying to assure the table that there are more horrible subjects, one diner suggested, “Well, we could be talking about poop, so it could be worse!”

I think it’s safe to say that on Father’s Day, men do not gather and discuss kids, boogers, unwanted hair, liver, blood sausage, or head- cheese.

What will we talk about next year? Maybe dirty feet, curdled milk, and diarrhea?

I suppose we can thank our children for helping us mothers have strong stomachs.