Emotional issues

Feb. 25, 2008

by Matt Kane

It’s amazing how quickly one’s emotions can be tugged from one extreme to another.

Any fan at the Delano boys’ hockey game Wednesday knows how it feels to have something so glorious turn into something devastating.

Away from the rink, on Tuesday I believe, I had my own emotions yanked from joy to sadness when I noticed my mail sitting on the dining room table.

There, peaking through the stack of credit card bills and credit card offers, was an old friend (who I had never actually met) laughing in a way that, to me, translated to a ‘Ha, ha!’ in a way Nelson from The Simpsons would say it.
The laughter was coming from the mouth of Johan Santana, who was pictured from head-to-toe on the cover of Sports Illustrated, dressed in pinstripes — not the navy blue Twins pinstripes, but the bright blue pinstripes of the Mets, for whom Santana is with this spring training.

The headline across Santana’s thighs reads “Happy Days” with a sub-heading that says, “Johan Santana Lifts the Mets Without Throwing a Pitch.”

Dear Mets: We in Minnesota are happy for you. There is nothing Twins fans love to do more than make New Yorkers happier beings. Maybe if they were happier to begin with, Minnesota wouldn’t have to keep shipping nice guys to the Big Apple.

Seeing Santana looking happy in a uniform other than one with “Twins” written across the jersey is hard to swallow, and brings a feeling of frustrations to the forefront of my emotional meter.

Just a week earlier, the needle on that meter didn’t point towards frustration, but to calm, contentedness. You see, preceding Santana’s edition of Sports Illustrated was Marissa Miller’s issue. Miller is not exactly an athlete, but I don’t think you will find too many men who will say she didn’t belong on the cover of that special issue.

What was so special about that magazine? It was the yearly swimsuit issue, that’s what.

I’m not going to lie to you, I am a fan of beautiful women, and I will take a glance through a magazine full of them. But this year it was different. I skimmed through the magazine one time, and haven’t looked at it since. I don’t know if my dwindling interest in the swimsuit issue is the result of me getting older and more mature, or if it is a result of having my own supermodel at home.

I will claim the latter of the two reasons, although, my girlfriend will probably tell me “You’re funny,” or to “Shut up,” like she always does when I tell her she’s hot.

When I looked through this year’s edition of the swimsuit edition, I found myself admiring the locations and the photography more than anything else.

It’s kind of like watching the Super Bowl for the commercials.

The last time I brought up the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition in one of my columns it wasn’t accepted very well by some readers, but I, in no way, want to offend anyone, and I hope I don’t.

The point of this column is not so I can write about women in bikinis, but to express my change in emotions from one magazine cover to another in just a week.

Seeing Johan Santana on last week’s cover was tough to take, and it greatly contrasted how I felt when Miller appeared the week before, or even when Dale Earnhardt Jr. appeared in his new greens on the cover of the Feb. 18 issue.

It was refreshing to see Earnhardt looking so relaxed on the hood of his new ride with his new Hendrick Motorsports team. I guess, if I were a Mets fan, seeing Santana smiling on the cover of the Feb. 25 issue would be very refreshing.

But I’m not a Mets fan, I’m a Twins fan. Unless Sports Illustrated decides to put the Twins’ newest pitching acquisition Livan Hernandez on the cover, seeing Santana laughing will hurt for awhile.