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The tooth fairy is on to you
August 17, 2009
by Jen Bakken

One day a 12-year-old boy called his mom at work to excitedly announce that he had lost a tooth.

This young-ish (well in her mind anyway) single mom attempted to disguise her thoughts and share in her son’s excitement.

Even if this somewhat intelligent (again, in her mind) lady knew the only reason he was jumping for joy was because of anticipating a visit from the tooth fairy.

With unemployment rates as high as they are, businesses and employees struggling – she wondered if the tooth fairy could afford one more molar.

Is the economy affecting the tooth fairy?

Secretly, she was able to discuss this matter with the fairy because, as we all know – every parent has the tooth fairy, Easter Bunny, and Santa Claus on speed dial.

The tooth fairy questioned how many teeth this soon-to-be sixth grader had lost over the years because it sure seemed like a lot.

Surprisingly, this mom was instructed to investigate the matter further.

How would a parent know if their child was reusing an already paid for tooth just to fool the tooth fairy?

What if there is something sneaky going on, such as one particular pearly white being passed from friend to friend, or maybe an underground fake tooth factory?

Are children dumpster diving for teeth at local dentists’ offices and profiting, right under their parents’, as well as the tooth fairys,’ noses?

No matter how far-fetched this sounded to the boy’s mother, she couldn’t help but wonder.

With the help of Google, she was able to discover that children have approximately 20 primary teeth they will eventually lose at various ages.

It sure seemed like her son had lost far more than this, but who’s been counting? (Other than the children who see dollar signs.)

As a child, the tooth fairy left this mom a quarter, but now her children are getting a whopping five dollars per tooth.

Quite frankly, the tooth fairy admitted she is bankrupting herself and, due to the economy, has been forced to set some guidelines before she will make her payments. They are as follows:

1. Parents need to look in the mouths of their children to ensure a tooth really did fall out. (Which this particular mother did and upon witnessing the gaping hole in his mouth . . . major guilt set in.)

2. Each lost tooth will be inspected. $1 will be deducted for each cavity, chip, or proof of improper brushing and flossing. (Apparently this boy really had been listening to his mother all these years. He had brushed his teeth well and, therefore, the tooth fairy had to pay the full amount.)

3. A cap of 20 teeth has been put on each child. This means once you’ve put 20 teeth under your pillow . . . you are done. (But when this boy reminded his mother that these rules weren’t announced prior to his first lost tooth, and that all along no one had been counting, which left this “totally unfair”. . . she backed down.)

The three new rules may seem strict and, in this mother’s situation, really did end up being completely unnecessary, but just in case – they have been established and will be actively enforced. (Maybe.)

Watch out would be incisor smugglers . . . the tooth fairy is on to you.