Jim O'Leary

Waverly Star

By Jim O'Leary

An e-mail newsletter for and about Waverly people, used with permission in the HLW Herald and on this web site.

 March 3, 2003

Discussions on turning 80

Dear Readers,

Glen and Peggy Keener are an inexhaustible source of good material which they forward to me from their gleanings on the Internet.

Here is the Keeners' most recent forward from one of their many friends, Gerry Green of Ottawa, Canada. He was born in the UK and served in World War II.

The best way to read this is to imagine yourself spinning the dial of an old radio, contrary to the advice of the old announcer on "Blondie,"

"Don't touch that dial!"

Jim O'Leary

On turning 80

"Five years ago today, I was so overcome at the thought of turning 75 that I sent you all a little nostalgia piece. This morning I turned 80, much to my astonishment, and was of a mind to entertain you with a similar effort.

"But, alas, the creative juices seem to have dried up. Either that or I shouldn't be drinking this early in the day.

"Tell you what, for lack of any better idea, suppose I just run the same one by you again? It's not too long.

"On the basis of years lived, I suppose I could qualify as a link with history myself. The only problem is that I can never remember the important stuff.

"In that dreamy period between going to bed and going to sleep, when more responsible people are working out their plans for the following day, I tend to drift off into trivialities instead. There are so many old familiar voices out there . . .

"'Don't open that closet, McGee!'

"'Say goodnight, Gracie.'

"'Ah'se regusted.'

"'You rotten swine, you have deaded me!'

"'Sic 'em, Tige!'

"'Maybe they come through the pass, Kemo Sabe.'

"'Good evening, Mr and Mrs. America and all the ships and clippers at sea, let's go to press.'

"'Henry, Henry Aldrich! Coming, Mother.'

"'Yowsah, yowsah, this is old Ben Bernie.'

"'Dag nab it, Jethro!'

"'And now for a really big shoe.'

"'Jell-O again.'"

"'Happy trails to you.'

"'Vas you dere, Sharlie?'

"'Ah there, Mrs. Nussbaum.'

"'You were expecting maybe Heidi Lamarr?'

"'Duffy's Tavern, where the elite meet to eat.'

"'Look, up in the sky!'

"'Can I do you now, sir?'

"'Loose lips sink ships.'

"'Coming to you from beautiful downtown Burbank.'

"'What are you trying to tell us, Lassie?'

"'Come, Watson, the game's afoot!'

"'A date that will live in infamy.'

"'Does your super-radiating photonometer check out, Dr. Huer?'

"'And now for something completely different.'

"'Who's on first?'

"'This is London calling.'

"'Time to get out the Batmobile, Robin.'

"'Time to get out the Black Beauty, Kato.'

"'A little dab'll do you.'

"'There's never been an escape from Stalag 13.'

"'Lucky Strike Green has gone to war.'

"'If it's the Dragon Lady, we're in trouble, Terry."

"'Don't go, Julie, I said, don't go.'

"'We just want the facts, ma'am.'

"'What are you trying to tell us, King?'

"'Wheaties, breakfast of champions.'

"'Goodnight, Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are.'

"'Oh, Ron! Yes, Eth?'

"'Sorry about that, chief.'

"'Quick, Henry, the flit!'

"'Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?'

"'The heartbreak of psoriasis.'

"'I yam what I yam.'

"'To the moon, Alice!'

"'Twice as much for a nickel too.'

"'What's up, Doc?'

"'Harumph! Kaff! Egad!'

"'Don't worry, the Powerful Katrinka can lift it.'

"'Gloryosky, Zero, here comes that old Mrs. Meany!'

"'Leapin' lizards, Sandy, here come Punjab and the Asp!'

"'Cheesit, here comes Mama mit der Captain und der Professor!'

"'Brought to you by 20-mule Team Borax.'

"'Why don't you try it without moving your lips, Bergen?'

"'Send for your secret decoder ring today.'

"For heaven's sake, I hear you say, are we going to have to put up with this sort of rubbish every five years? Well no, not necessarily.

"I haven't bought green bananas for some time now and I suspect I could be carried off by a severe attack of dandruff at any moment.

"However, if I do manage to make it to 85, I promise to come up with something different. I don't know exactly what, but I'll have five years to think about it, won't I? Now, back to good old lurkdom."

­ Gerry Green

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